Thoughts of mine..

So lately I have been thinking about the big topic of marriage, not that I will be doing that any time soon, but still it does cross my mind. Like seriously, it seems like no one stays married anymore, so is there any real point in doing it? I see marriage as a one time only deal. There is a reason you say the words, "'till death do us part", and I think too many people don't give their marriage a fighting chance. Obviously in relationships this seems to happen to, but at least there is less to lose at this point. From previous experiences with relationship, I can honestly say I gave it a fighting chance. This is more so with my ex, and father of my two boys. How many chances should you give someone before you should just give up ? Is it even fair to put a number on something like that ? Personally, I am glad I didn't settle and try to make it work. Three years of lying an cheating to make a "happy" family isn't worth it to me. I'd rather be a single mom for the rest of my life before ever settling with someone who doesn't want me. Yet here is the part where I think I feel like I am failing my boys. I know what it feels like to grow up in a split home, and never really seeing my dad. Honestly looking back now I think I was fine because I had my mom, but the boys definitely should have some sort of male figure in their life. I enjoy being a parent so much and the fun times going out and doing stuff with them. Yet I want to be a complete family, but I don't think anyone can really handle the fact of me having two kids, on top of everything else. It's a lot to take in and I get that. Only time will tell where I will end up or what will happen with the boys and myself.